Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
