ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
