Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Welp...herpes.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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