I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
