I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
