You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Randomize
