Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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