He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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