there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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