Soap is not a condiment
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
