Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
