Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
