my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
