Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
