i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
