I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
