i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
