when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Pants are for mortals
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
