he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
