Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
