I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
