How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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