My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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