You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
