yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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