Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
