my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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