You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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