nutella sex= disaster
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
