oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
