Got a toothbrush?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
