You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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