broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
