I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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