You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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