I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i now understand why vodka
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
