Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
