jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
