I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
