there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
