if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
