My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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