Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
