just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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