I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
