just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
