She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
