Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
