i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
