O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
