I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
