My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i think my cat just said my name.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
