it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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