I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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