yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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