he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
