Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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