: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
