I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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