i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
