Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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