He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
