I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm too high and old for this...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
